| it's been two years.
i still miss her. i still hear her.
i still feel her hand in mine that day.
i still feel her in my heart everyday -------------------------------------- most every girl's dream, from bonnet to bride:
big white dress, daddy walking her down the aisle,
the love of her life [and everyone else] watching. waiting.
i do. i do. ring exchange. kiss. "and now presenting Mr. & Mrs".
mine doesn't vary much. all is the same except the walk down the aisle.
my mom is, has been, and will always be my biggest fan. supporter. encourager.
now, i ask myself what the right thing to do is, however. do i try to fix what's broken?
i've told you the ball is in your court - yet you refuse to make a play. why?
i tried hard. for years. now you try harder. or dont. that's up to you.
and do i risk heartbreak again? do i put aside all of my pride one more time?
i tried hard. probabiltiy is against me. so do i even take the chance?
or do i just move on with life, looking forward. no regrets.
do i just accept that i did what i could do. that i attempted to mend fences.
and begin anew with my own family on a new foot. never looking back. in 389 days - i will marry my very best friend in the world.
this is my opportunity to start fresh. from scratch. with a clean slate.
i will love until i can love no more. i will give until there is no more to give.
i will live as though there's only one day left. i will be a woman to be proud of.
i will smile often. i will laugh a lot. i will try my hardest to do my best.
i will mess up. i will be prideful and selfish. i will burn food. i will whine.
i will cry. i will yell. i will fight. i will defend. i will say things i dont mean.
and i will mean things i dont say. but at the end of the day...
i hope they know that they are my world. and i'd never mean to hurt them.
i will do my best to show them that every single minute of every day.
no, it wont be an easy task to endure. but it will be a task that is imperative.
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| there comes a point.
a point in a journey,
where one has a choice:
to cut loose and let go
or ruin all they've established.
though it's difficult. almost impossible.
im cutting loose and letting go.
in hopes to hold on to what i have.
and in fear of losing you[r trust].
im concerned. im angry.
im disappointed. im digusted.
im untrusting. unsettled. uneasy.
im apprehensive. im appalled.
im in shock. im not surprised.
im scared. im scarred.
this is dangerous. gross.
it conflicts with how you were raised.
you know better. you want to rebel.
the costs far outweigh the benefits.
i promise. but im afraid that this time,
you're going to have to find out the hard way.
ill be here. to catch you as you fall.
but i can't prevent you falling.
especially if you want to fall. |
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| september 5, 2009.
433 days away.
can't come soon enough.
can't have enough time.
til death do us part.
forever is a long time.
neverending. always. forever.
im so excited! im so scared.
he's the love of my life.
i know this. he's the one.
but fear still overwhelms me.
we will succeed. i know we will.
i have no doubt. we're good together.
i love him. and so many things about him.
his laugh. his freckles. his fingers.
his excitement for his new watch.
his shoe obsession. his american eagle.
his hair. his eyes. his story telling.
his jokes. his memory. his dedication.
his sincerity. his pouty face. his smile.
his ablitiy to put up with me and enjoy it.
his humor. his family. his cute jeans.
his khaki pants. his choco tan line.
his mac computer. his picky nature.
his proposal. his desires. his goals.
his style. his marching uniform.
his protection. his creativity.
his procrastination. his "technology" fad.
his involvement in wedding planning.
i love him. and everything about him.
the things that bug me, make me love him more.
til death do us part.
i can do this. just because i've seen it fail,
does not mean i will. from those failures - i've learned.
he and i are different.
he and i can make it.
he and i will make it.
i'm just so scared.
but we will overcome the impossible.
we will defeat the odds. we will succeed.
it can happen. it will happen.
i will be mrs. charles glenn cook III.
til death do us part!
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| arlington memorial hospital.i have visited this hospital, many times.too many times to even begin counting.sitting here brings back memories. with good endings. and some not-so-good.being here. watching him. making him smile.giving him hugs. making jokes. giving him sprite.listening to him call out horse bets and the works.makes me miss him. but in some strange way, i feel like this is my opportunity for closure.i couldn't be with him before he was taken up.lack of communication. lack of knowledge.but i'm here. making his time here better.trying to keep his spirits up and his smile big.so far, so good. i love him already. i'm positive that i've made a difference.and that's enough for me. that's all i want to do.make a difference. a positive one.in someone's life. and again and again. i wish it could have been him.but i wasn't allowed that opportunity. but i am so thankful i was allowed this one.this man has blessed my life. and i've known him 48 hours.i love him. and i'm better for having known him.no matter how long i am able to do so. ---------- this is my last summer at home.next summer: big girl job. my wedding. and real life.wow. life flies by. whether you're having fun or not. |
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| a man of integrity. of his word. with dignity. and with overflowing love.
a man that was admired for many things. many successes.
men in the air force carrying his casket. the american flag lying over.
the precision in steps. in folding the symbol of our freedom.
presenting the colors to my grandmother. 21 gun salute. taps.
my grandfather finally received the respect he always deserved.
and it was absolutely beautiful.
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